At the Well Monday/Raising Godly Boys--Yikes!

Lori at I'll Take it Lord, all You Have to Give is the hostess of "At the Well" this week.



I have to tell you, the topic of raising Godly boys has thrown me a bit of a loop. Lori threw out some INcredUlous questions on the subject, however, which are the following:

1.What advice would I give to women to raise Godly boys?

2.If you are raising boys, what areas concern you most?

3.If you don't have or haven't raised boys, what is your concern for boys in today's culture?

Okay, so nobody gets to bow out of this one...she's covered all the bases. So go on over to her place and sign the Mr. Linky, then give us your thoughts on the subject. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, but you know, we're all in this together, and our answers to the questions just might help each other out a bit. If you don't have time to blog about it, just leave your thoughts right here...NEED to hear from you on this one.

So back to why this has thrown me for a loop. A loop-d-loop actually. My firstborn--my baby boy--my Little Sweetness (my name for him in the womb)--is now a thirteen-year-old giant. I'm not kidding you, I was JUST holding him, reading the I'll Love You Forever book to him while rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...NOW I've fallen off my rocker because he came up behind it and pushed me out of it by force of his pinky.

I've been through so much with him the last year...learned a lot...been humbled quite a bit (both of us). And he would be completely humiliated if I publicized to the whole world why and how and what. So I won't. All I can say is that I pray a TON. More than I ever have before. The struggles that a teenage boy has to go through majorly blows me away. Their thought life is so complicated, so foreign to me.

My opinions shared today are those based on being the mom of a new teenager. The way you parent your toddler will be different from the way you raise your son who is growing up in his pre-teen to teenage years. If you're not there yet, hold on to your hat, because fast forward is already in motion.

After praying about this post, the best advice I can give you at my stage of parenting is to pray. Pray that he owns his faith--not you. Pray that when you turn your head, he knows where to turn when temptation strikes. Pray that you will have wisdom to know what freedoms to give and not to give. Pray that you will know how far to let him go before you become Mama Buttinsky. Pray that HE will have wisdom in situations where Mama Buttinsky is not around. Pray, pray pray. And when things seem okay, like he is Godly and rooted and "better behaved" than other boys his age, pray some more. Maybe even more at that moment.

Communicate. Don't ridicule. Don't exasperate. Don't humiliate. Communicate. What are his likes? His dislikes? What in the world does he think about this and that and the other? Be amazed and thrilled at the differences in reasoning and logic, listening more than lecturing.

Learn. Learn from what you learn from your communication with him. Learn from others who have gone before you. Learn from God's Word. Learn from good books. Never stop learning. Learning as you listen.

Stop saying "never." The stuff you said you would "never let your son do." Don't be afraid to pray about that, reevaluate that and be open before God about what is best for the way your son is wired. Make sure you have consulted the One who knows your baby boy better than you do. Be open-minded as you pray, communicate, listen and learn.

Let the ponytail down every now and then. Remember, our boys get to a point where they want adventure, they want action...they want to be busy all the time. Keep reminding them that it's good to be still, and it's great to chillax, but don't forget to be a little crazy with them sometimes too. This is my achilles heel in parenting. I would rather teach him how to behave and journal and pray (which are essentials) than to let him teach me how to have an adventure and do something out of my comfort zone. But nothing brings us closer than when I do some stuff his way every now and then. That leads me back to more prayer...and listening and learning...

Anyway, rambling. Quite honestly, I have never had to exercise more faith than I have to at this stage in my son's life. I know more is to come, but right now, I'm consumed with what I have in front of me: and that is a very very tall, fuzzy-upper lipped, deep-voiced (with a touch of croak), testosterone-filled boy. One who loves Jesus, who wants to live for God, who sets an example for other boys...but is struggling with what it means to do all of the above with genuine faith--not the kind his parents pressure him into, but the kind he desires passionately with his whole heart, soul, mind and strength.

Which leads me back to prayer...

Puttin' Up My Dukes

Okay, so I know peace and putting up your dukes don’t normally go together, but hear me out. I went to a mini-conference sponsored by the Rethink group back in January. It was called Orange Tour 2008. I cannot remember the last time I left a place feeling so motivated.

The weird thing is that one of the messages still sticks with me on a daily basis. Reggie Joyner put it boldly and simply: “Fight for your relationships.” He went on to talk about what that meant, and I’ve been trying to sort through it ever since.

This is Biblical. I tend to think of having peace in relationships as though it were a passive thing. Yes, it is right to turn the other cheek. Yes, it is wise to keep silent when provoked. Yes, I am blessed if I actively pursue peace. Sometimes these are a struggle in and of themselves. But does that mean that I settle for ho-hum, tolerable relationships? Based on Reggie’s comments, and based on Scripture, I think not.

I pondered this passage from Nehemiah 4: 12-15 (NIV)
Then the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times over, "Wherever you turn, they will attack us." Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families, with their swords, spears and bows. After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes." When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to his own work.

If I settle for less than God’s best, I leave my relationships exposed to attacks from the enemy. God had given Nehemiah great wisdom, and he passed it on. When the people got tired and didn’t want to fight for the cause anymore, he posted them by their families. That’ll wake up the warriors really quickly, won’t it?

It’s kind of the same deal with me. I settle for what I have because it is too exhausting to fight for the ideal. I don’t get the fire back in me until I'm in danger of attack or worse—attacked already.

But here’s the answer: The battle belongs to the Lord, so it is to Him I must turn to have the ideal in my relationships. It starts on my knees. After I’ve prayed, it's time for me to act on it. I'm not going to settle. I'm going to put up my spiritual dukes, fighting with the resources He has given me, living God-strong in the relationships with which God has entrusted me.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (The Message)
A Fight to the Finish
And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and He wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

© Copyright 2008 Laura L. Shaw
http://www.lovinthearts.com

For more information on the Orange Conference, click on this link: http://www.theorangeconference.com