Melissa Shares Her Story...Tissue Warning!

It's day number FIVE out of eleven of salvation testimonies to be shared on Selah the days leading up to and just after Easter. I can't think of a better way to celebrate His resurrection than hearing God-stories of souls raised from death to life. So pause. Ponder what He has done. Then praise Him!!!!

Meet Melissa, aka Multi-Tasking Mama from The Feel Chic Boutique. Her testimony brought me tears over tragedy and tears over triumph. It moved my soul to see the Lord's provision through her circumstances. Grab a kleenex and prepare your heart for some yanking...

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Last year I did a Beth Moore study called "Believing God." That study changed my relationship with God in so many awesome ways that I don’t have room to list here. But one thing that came to mind, when the Lord asked me where did He and I start, is a section in the book called "Believing God Has Been There All Along." I was able to really heal in so many ways, especially unresolved anger towards God, through that specific chapter. Beth and I had a lot in common in that there were so many things about my life that I would rather not remember, that caused me inexplicable pain and that made me angry at God for many years.

And just as Beth taught in the study, if you internalize such experiences they will only stay submerged for so long. Trauma will surface in all sorts of ways- anger, physical illness, relationship issues, the list goes on. So the study taught us to allow the Holy Spirit to support us as we go back and look at those experiences through a different lens. (Psalms 77:11-12) We can find treasure in the midst of mud. Do you know how many rocks have to be turned before they find gold?

I do not want to in any way suggest that this process is easy or quick- in fact I am still going through it- but it is so worth it to look back and realize that our Savior was watching over us long before we realized it. I hope my story encourages you to go back and review the testimonies of your own life- it will strengthen your faith walk immensely.

I was born in 1979 to parents who had issues. Join the club, right? My dad was mentally ill and un-medicated, or I should say self medicated. My mom did not have the emotional capacity to stand up to him. So the early years of my life were an unpredictable roller coaster of experiences I was too little to control.

When my father was in an overly religious phase we wore skirts to our knees, hair to my waste and grew our own food. When he was not in a religious phase he was doing drugs and acting psychotic. He took the concept of helping people to the extreme (as he did everything else) so instead of giving money to the homeless on his way to work in DC he would bring them home to live with us. There were dangerous and scary people in and out of my home on a regular basis. Those people were not always kind to me and my little brothers and we were subjected to sexual abuse by more than one of the people. This went on until I was nine years old and we ended up moving to West Virginia because one of the men that lived with us at the time tried to kill my mother and kidnap my brothers and I.

That takes me to believing and knowing that God has been there all along. One of the ways I know this is that my mom and dad were not the only two people in the room when I was born. My paternal grandfather was also there and my grandmother was on her way. He says I looked right into his eyes and I have been his little girl ever since. God knew that my parents wouldn’t have the ability to parent me adequately and so he sent me the two people that love me most in this world- my Mommom and Poppop. They have proved through so many seasons of my life to be the love of God in physical form! God was also in my house.

The human mind is an awesome complex creation that allowed me to escape feeling physical pain from things done to me as a child. I had a special place in my head where I could just feel like I was an observer rather than a participant. Only God can give a gift like that. In addition, the night that Ed tried to kill my mom, my dad wasn’t home and we were alone in the house with this man. But I had left something at school that day- I think I was in the third grade- and since I went to a small private school my teacher knew where we lived. When she didn’t get an answer on the telephone she came over. Her ringing our doorbell saved our lives and I know that was God.

We moved to West Virginia not long after that. When I was 12, a young kid off the streets moved in with us. My parents said his parents didn’t take good care of him (hello?). My mom was in another deep depression at that time so having another mouth to feed really didn’t affect me that much, but I was jealous of how much time this boy spent with my mom. We had to leave her alone because she was so emotionally fragile and I was taking care of my two little brothers and myself and the house and he got to go in my mom’s room all the time. It made me really mad. You have to understand that my father kept us very sheltered from the world- we lived out in the middle of nowhere and we were “homeschooled”, etc. The only people we knew were the people we went to church with when we went. And God was there-

Even though doctrinally I know now that church was erroneous, God was still there and I got to volunteer in the nursery, sing in the choir, sing special music, play the piano and play the hand bells. That was the only time in those years I got to be me. I really believe that maintained my composure and sanity through a difficult time and God gets all the glory for that.

Then one day my dad announced to me that my mom and this young boy were going to try to have a baby together, that the baby would call the boy Daddy and my dad Papa. I had always been the one to stand up to my dad when he acted nuts and this time was no exception. I told him all the ways that this was morally wrong and that I didn’t understand why he was talking like this. He told me that if I didn’t like it I could find somewhere else to live. I was 13. He said that if I told anyone what was going on he would kill himself.

That was a chance I was willing to take and I ran away when my dad was at work and called my grandparents to come pick me up. Once again God provided and they were there for me. I reported to a counselor they took me to what was going on- not knowing that what was occurring was a crime and that my family was about to implode.

My dad got wind that the cops were coming to arrest him and my mom and they left town. I was put in foster care. The foster family were Christians and their church accepted me with open arms and again I was singing and going to youth group. God provided.

My grandparents fought like crazy and within a year had custody of me. That was the time in my life that God gave me the opportunity to be a kid. I got to have sleep overs with my friends, go to the movies, eat meat, wear pants! It was great and I am so thankful I had that experience.

However, when I was just about to turn sixteen I found out my mom was getting ready to have a baby with the same young man (thankfully it hadn’t materialized before then). I was an adolescent girl that harbored a lot of anger and resentment towards my mom for choosing a relationship over her children so I left my grandparents and ran away to try to force my mom to be a mom. That lasted two weeks before she threw me out. And I was 16 and on my own.

God provided and I had a place to live with an ex of my dad’s. I got a job and thought I had everything figured out. I used guys for money, food and drugs and ended up pregnant. That was the first time in a long time I prayed. One of those God if you get me out of this mess I will be perfect forever prayers. I didn’t think God answered but now that Jared is here I know He was in control the whole time. Able to make all things right with His omnipotent power.

When I was pregnant with Jared I met Mike. We have been married for 12 years and have had Matthew as well. Mike adopted Jared and we ended up getting custody of, and I adopted Mike’s son from his first marriage in 1999. God orchestrated every move of that custody battle that started with a phone call from neighbor.

In the years that followed I faced cervical cancer- (God provided best doctors), life with my bonus son went downhill due to trauma and abuse he had suffered at the hands of his biological mother (strength to survive that only comes from God),and in the last two years we have faced the death of close loved ones (young and old), and my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis in January 2008. Through it all God has been faithful.

My illness was God’s way of trying to get me to slow down and allow the Holy Spirit to do one of his most important jobs- (John 14:26) Allowing the Holy Spirit to be your counselor is one of the most healing things you can do. Slowly but surely- God will only reveal to you what you can handle- God is creating opportunities for me to remember, know that God remembered me then and he is remembering me now. I am better for all of it.

At this point in my life He has helped me realize that I am enough because He created me. I am loved, accepted and forgiven. I am an heir of God (romans 8:16,17) And the thing God has helped me do the most is forgive myself. I had shame, feelings of failure, if I coulda, should, woulda’s. God doesn’t do that folks and neither should we- there are no might have beens. God deals with our present and holds our future in His hands. Forgive yourself- it does NOT matter what you have done, what has been done to you- if he can send His own son to die on the cross for ALL our sins- yes even the ugly ones- the least we can do is offer that same forgiveness and mercy to others and ourselves.

I have recently reconciled with my father after thirteen years of not speaking, my mom and I have a great relationship and there will be more moments to come that He needs to reveal and shape and mold me into His will. Life is a journey- we don’t reach our final destination until heaven, so a year from now I will have a whole new testimony to share.

Allow God to continually work on you, if he reveals something that needs to be fixed be willing to do the work (whatever it is) to fix it. Do you need to form a new habit? Do you need to let bitterness go? Do you need to focus less on yourself and more on others? Whatever God reveals don’t fight it- let Him do His good work in and through you.

Psalm 27 is always of comfort to me and it tells us that God is always setting the stage for something greater in our lives than we are able to see through our momentary circumstances.

If you go back through the annals of your life you will see that God was and is there. This realization allowed me and it can allow you to really lean back into that love and trust that He will do what He says He will do. Nobody else in our life can offer us that- just God. Please, dear ones, whatever you are going through recognize that God is there with you. Lean on him and hold fast.

Melissa Smallwood (aka Multi-tasking Mama) has worked with seniors and families as a professional organizer for several years and is the owner of Organized Life by Design, LLC. She has an extensive human services background. She is also the mom of three active boys (one of which has special needs). She enjoys helping people get their lives, calendars and homes organized so that they have time to see and enjoy their blessings! Melissa also has a passion for cheap yet chic home décor and has many resources available for decorating your home on a budget. Melissa has written many articles on organizing for various websites and organizations including Online Organizing.com, Show Mom the Money, Ask Baby Kid, Dr. Mommy Says, Sassy Mamas, Pink Lemonade of Life and more.

Flooding A True Community with Prayer

I'm in the middle of a flood right now, one of tears, as I pray for our close family friends, The St. Johns.

And before you exit away, thinking this is just a personal story, please don't. I believe this story has something for everyone to learn.

You see, our friends are in Fargo, North Dakota, as they experience a natural disaster to go down in the record books. As I sit in my comfy writing chair, my very best friend in the whole world is evacuated from her own home. They are waiting for the waters to recede. Waiting to see if they will have a home that is fit to live in when all is said and done.

What has amazed me as I've watched the news reports is that this place is a true community. They haven't just come together all of a sudden in a disaster. They were a strong community before it happened, and I'm certain they'll be even stronger after. Where I live, and in many cities, the church has to force community, even manufacture it to some degree. THESE PEOPLE live community every single day. My heart is moved by it.

Anyone who knows me knows that "God of The City" is my favorite praise song right now, so when my friend forwarded this to me this morning, I knew that God wanted me to share it. The photos are amazing, and the Word at the end got my eyes to raining again. Please take the time to watch it all the way to the end. Notice the community effort despite the incredible discomfort each one must have experienced.

And please, will you join me in prayer after the video? My heart would be greatly blessed if you would.

Fargo Flood Fight 2009

One more thing. My daughter asked me yesterday why God would allow our precious friends to be moved from Dallas and taken into a situation where they would be in harm's way, and I was caught off guard at her anger. The only thing I could think to say in immediate response was, "Sweetie, I've no doubt that the Lord took the St. Johns there for such a time as this. He's going to use them mightily." We stopped to pray, and our hearts were encouraged, even if just for a moment. I pulled up Matthew's blog, and it is obvious that they are doing just that, ministering through the disaster. If you have a moment to go over and leave a comment, I know it would encourage them. It's short and sweet (unlike my post), but precious still.

Pastor Matthew's blog

Father God, I am amazed and in awe at Your greatness. I love the way you can take a people and gel them together so that they can survive this flood. Recede the waters, Lord God. I pray for the people of Fargo and the area all around, that You would protect each and every one. Guard their homes, and continue to guard their hearts from discouragement. I pray for Matthew and Christa, Emily and Katie, and all the staff and families at Bethel Church. Continue to give them everything they need to pull together and help one another during this disaster. Encourage them as they draw upon the strength inside of them, the strength that You provide through the Holy Spirit. May those who don't know Jesus in their community see Jesus in these chosen ones, who are Your salt and light and help for the hurting. Thank You, Lord, that You have these people in the palm of Your capable hands, and may You receive honor and glory through this situation. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Leaning, Learning...Living

Happy Word-Filled Wednesday!!!!!

If you will, read the following verse, study the picture...

What part of it speaks to you?

"He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears..." 

Do you need to cry out to God?

"To the One who could save Him from death..." 

Do you need the Lord to save you from something?

Or maybe it's the picture of Jesus, face down, 

clawing His fingers into the rock.  

Knowing He was about to suffer, 

He cried out to His Father in a loud voice, 

and then pressed into Him, 

begging for strength and help in His pain.

"Reverent submission." 

Wowzer. There's a phrase you don't hear everyday. 

Jesus cried out for help and was 

reverently submissive at the same time. 

Does that strike a chord of wondering within you?

For me, the ending words are what grab me and don't let go. 

"He learned obedience from what He suffered." 

It's the act that flows from "reverent submission."

I have no problems crying out, trusting, leaning, grabbing onto Him for dear life. It is a habit, a dependence for many years.

And I learn--in my head, in my heart, even telling others what I've learned. But to take all that learning and somehow change my habits and priorities as a result? Well, lemme confess, He's still working on me there. It's about my need for comfort. My obsession with peace. My love for calm and personal space.

My earnest prayer is that He would minister to you through His Word today...reveal something hidden, great or small, that needs to come out in order to grow up in Him, in order to deepen your relationship with your Papa. I'm taking this opportunity that Word-Filled Wednesday has given me to crawl up on my Daddy's lap and ask Him to teach me while I sit and listen to Him talk. Will you do the same?

For more Word-Filled Wednesday leaning, learning and living, hike on over to:

In the Key of HE,

Remember Glory

Her name was Gloria, and she was like no other. As a youth, she was a red-haired, freckled firecracker, those who knew her would say—gorgeous, a total knockout and full of life. Not long after marriage and having her first baby, her whole life was turned tragically upside down because of a missed stoplight. As she drove to pick up some milk from the store, a semi-truck flattened her car, and it is said, that since she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, she flew into the backseat as a result of the impact. She sustained terrible head and upper body injuries, and her legs were pinned under the driver’s seat. She was pronounced dead at the scene. Unbelievably so, she was revived and rushed to a nearby emergency room in the St. Louis area. After seeing the damage to her brain and internal organs, many predictions were made of her situation---she would not make it through the trauma, and if she did, she would be in a vegetative state, or at the very least severely handicapped with very little use of her legs or arms. So much for predictions.

After being in a coma for three months and in the ICU for months after that--with excruciating determination, intense physical therapy and tremendous prayer and support from family and friends—she re-learned how to crawl and talk, cope and walk. After a few years, she even had a second child—“A Miracle Baby,” the newspaper would call her.

If the story ended there for Gloria, one could read it with a cheerful and inspirational feeling in the heart, but it did not---not by far. Every day was a struggle for her. She fought to the very core of her being to do the things that most of us take for granted. Her voice box had extensive damage, which gave her a low, loud raspy voice that sometimes scared little children and made strangers stare her way. One of her arms was permanently bent, as well as her spine. This crippled her as she walked, and the damage to her legs would make her unsteady on her feet for the rest of her life. She had brain damage, which affected her mental state and her emotional maturity.

Her husband struggled to know and love her in this new way, and alcohol became the crutch that he used for his own handicaps. Drinking exaggerated the demons that already existed inside of him, and he began to abuse Gloria physically and emotionally, as if she wasn’t damaged enough already. After years of living in this oppression, along with some new realizations of the same abuses toward her daughters, she filed for divorce. Now the financial support was gone, too, and she would have to learn to function as a single mother.

As Gloria tried to raise two young children on disability and public aid, her mom, her sisters and her local church helped her to do what was physically needed to get her daughters through school and life in as normal fashion as possible. Even with the extra support, she was plagued with severe headaches, physical pain and emotional insecurity each and every day. She coped as best she could, though, and the same tenaciousness and ornery spirit from her youth remained alive in her to keep her going in spite of it all. Hating to ask for help or charity motivated her to be as independent and “normal” as possible. She would drive her kids to school and extra curricular activities most days (yes, she passed her driving test) and made pot roasts and sheet cakes for her kids and others when they came for a visit. Many times, she would exercise on a stationery bike just to keep in shape and to keep her muscles as strong as possible.

In the small town that she lived, many people enjoyed her sense of humor and her dramatic perspective on life. What made her so interesting was that she lived in the middle of being an adult and being a kid. She could communicate like a grown-up (learned behavior), but she thought and looked at situations more like a nine- or ten-year old would. While this made her fascinating to some, it made her life that much more of a challenge personally. After her car wreck, she lost the ability to cry. She could sob emotionally, but she could not produce actual tears. Imagine being a ten-year-old female, or any aged female for that matter, and not being able to cry. Her mental stability didn’t have a chance!

She spent the rest of her adult years being in and out of the hospital with various illnesses, surviving a series of car accidents, weaving in and out of delusional and paranoid behavior and coping with an empty house when her daughters went off to college. Numerous medications were part of her daily swallowing regimen, each one fixing a different symptom or problem diagnosed by one of her several doctors. Her choice was to live alone and “take care of herself,” and the consequences were incredible loneliness and fear wrapped up with the satisfaction of making it on her own. Her sister Carolyn, her Pastor Steve, and her other sisters and church friends helped make her strong preferences a reality by sacrificially taking care of her needs, while allowing her to maintain her dignity as much as possible. Though her daughters tried to persuade her to live with either of them, she felt comfortable with her life the way it was—no one ever totally understood this about her, but most suspected it was that same strong will and determination that got her through her hardships combined with the security from living life in the routine she had always known.

On September 11th, 2006, Gloria finally lost her fight to keep living after a month of struggling to recover from a colostomy in the ICU. The list of lessons one could learn from her life is long. It is for me.

She was my mother, and I was her miracle baby.

I know the story between the lines of circumstances, and that is what I hold on to in the pockets of my memory. As a child, I saw her as abnormal and somewhat embarrassing. As a young adult, I saw her as an obligation and a nuisance sometimes. Now as her daughter looking back on her life after it is gone----well, I have a whole other perspective.

Somehow the memories of her crinkled up forehead while whining about her pain and discomfort are replaced with the memory of seeing her on her knees praying by her bed at night. The distasteful impression in my senses of her smoking cigarette after cigarette is butted out by the incredible admiration I have for her deciding to quit one day and never smoking again. The recollection of all the embarrassing comments she made along with the neediness that would drain me dry at times are secondary to the example of her sitting at the table reading the wrinkled, coffee-stained pages of her Bible. When I’m tempted to focus on the picture of her fits of paranoia, the Lord is faithful to remind me of the verses of Scripture she quoted during the last days of her life in the ICU. These are just some of the contrasts that have helped me to alter my thoughts and behaviors when my own life story is not so picturesque, and I am changed for the better because of it.

I’ve often wished I could ask God face to face why He allowed my mom to suffer so long, so hard and so deeply, but I know that my futile mind wouldn’t understand even if He told me. I’m thankful for this nugget from 1st Corinthians 1: 27-29 to remind me of what made her life valuable to all who knew her:

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. He chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the things of this world that are common and looked down on. He chose what is not considered to be important to do away with what is considered to be important. So no one can brag to God.”

Here are some of the important lessons I learned from reflecting from 36 years of life with her:

I learned that each day is a gift, and I should not take it for granted.
I learned that a childlike sense of humor is useful as a grown-up.
I learned that laughter truly is good medicine.
I learned that I really shouldn’t EVER judge a book by its cover.
I learned that opening & reading my Bible is as necessary as breathing in and out.
I learned that true strength comes from God, and it is magnified when I’m weak.
I learned that having a close friendship with my sister is a priceless treasure.
I learned that I am blessed to have a Godly husband who leads and provides for his family.
I learned that the church and the people in it are the hands and feet of Jesus.
I learned that the “wrecks” in life are inevitable, & I should not give up when they come.
I learned that my aches and pains are never as bad as they could be.
I learned that good discussions can happen over a good cup of coffee.
I learned that the best way to tell others about Jesus is just to do it.
I learned that I can overcome my strongholds if I fight them with Christ’s strength.

Some people say that everything they ever needed to know in life they learned in Kindergarten; however, I know a good number of people who would say that everything important they ever needed to know in life, they learned from the life of Gloria,

my mom—God-strong—
now dancing before the Lord in Glory with her new legs on…

Amen.


Mom (far right) had lots of support from her family after her wreck. Her mom (not pictured) and five sisters (two pictured here, Carolyn & Kathy) who spent a great deal of their time helping Mom in various ways. My big sister and I are the two toeheads front row left.


Despite how rough things could be, mom, sis and I would have fun now and then and put on a good show for the rest of the family. Mom had a VERY hilarious side to her and could make even the most stiff person laugh.


My mother never looked more beautiful than she did on my wedding day, and my sister and I chose to bury her in this dress in remembrance.


Mom was so happy when I came home to IL for my 5-year class reunion. Her greatest deterioration in health began after my sister and I left home.


I can't remember what year this was taken, but she had begun to fall a lot more consistently, and the fall here had led her to a wheelchair for a time. And boy, did she HATE it! We had her in Texas and took her to a rodeo and state fair with us, and it was a VERY bumpy ride for her. (She liked the fresh-squeezed lemonade and the funnel cakes, I remember well, however.)


This picture was taken in May of 2002. It is obvious how much she enjoyed my kids...at least when she felt well.



I'll never forget my mom's first visit to see me AFTER she had quit smoking cold turkey. I used to only have visions of her on my patio smoking. After that, she liked to sit out on the patio and watch the kids play in the backyard. I'm so glad I have a picture to remind me of her victory in quitting smoking.


And once again, I'm so very thankful for this picture my sister and I took with mom. It was our last trip together to see her in Illinois before our next visit there to her in the hospital. I can attest to the fact that sis and I are so glad we have that memory with her, and in our childhood home as well.

In the Key of HE,

Mama On My Mind

It would have been my mama's birthday today. May 7th, same as my hubby's birthday too. I find myself wishing that God had called me out to write Mom's story while she was still alive, because she has quite a phenomenal story indeed. Can't seem to get my mama off my mind.

The bottom line is that she was handicapped by a tragic car accident in her adulthood. The damage from it caused her years and years of horrific pain that I'm sure no more than a handful have experienced in their lifetime. Though it's taken me my whole life to learn, I am forever endebted to the example she set for me in the faith.

When I get disgruntled, her memory is there. When I get discontent, her memory is there. When I get insecure, her memory is always there. As Mother's Day approaches, it will be my second without her to call on the phone. I miss her. So happy she is whole in mind and body, but I miss her none the same.

God-in-her is the reason that I am who I am today. And what I am is someone who desperately depends on the Lord to get me through each day. She taught me the secret that so many Christians cannot even fathom. It is found in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (NIV):

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

The photo above is the last picture my sister and I had with my mom before she couldn't sit up for pictures anymore (only six months later).

Yup, I just got my mama on my mind today...so I may just have to sing a "Happy Birthday" song to her, even if it's just for me.


Two publications have posted my mom's tribute this month, and I am ever so thankful. One is a Christian newspaper in Amarillo, Texas. The other is an online ezine that is viewed all over the world. You can click here if you are interested in reading my mother's incredible story of courage and God-strength: 

http://journezine.com/May08/LessonsShaw/tabid/1648/Default.aspx