Melissa Shares Her Story...Tissue Warning!

It's day number FIVE out of eleven of salvation testimonies to be shared on Selah the days leading up to and just after Easter. I can't think of a better way to celebrate His resurrection than hearing God-stories of souls raised from death to life. So pause. Ponder what He has done. Then praise Him!!!!

Meet Melissa, aka Multi-Tasking Mama from The Feel Chic Boutique. Her testimony brought me tears over tragedy and tears over triumph. It moved my soul to see the Lord's provision through her circumstances. Grab a kleenex and prepare your heart for some yanking...

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Last year I did a Beth Moore study called "Believing God." That study changed my relationship with God in so many awesome ways that I don’t have room to list here. But one thing that came to mind, when the Lord asked me where did He and I start, is a section in the book called "Believing God Has Been There All Along." I was able to really heal in so many ways, especially unresolved anger towards God, through that specific chapter. Beth and I had a lot in common in that there were so many things about my life that I would rather not remember, that caused me inexplicable pain and that made me angry at God for many years.

And just as Beth taught in the study, if you internalize such experiences they will only stay submerged for so long. Trauma will surface in all sorts of ways- anger, physical illness, relationship issues, the list goes on. So the study taught us to allow the Holy Spirit to support us as we go back and look at those experiences through a different lens. (Psalms 77:11-12) We can find treasure in the midst of mud. Do you know how many rocks have to be turned before they find gold?

I do not want to in any way suggest that this process is easy or quick- in fact I am still going through it- but it is so worth it to look back and realize that our Savior was watching over us long before we realized it. I hope my story encourages you to go back and review the testimonies of your own life- it will strengthen your faith walk immensely.

I was born in 1979 to parents who had issues. Join the club, right? My dad was mentally ill and un-medicated, or I should say self medicated. My mom did not have the emotional capacity to stand up to him. So the early years of my life were an unpredictable roller coaster of experiences I was too little to control.

When my father was in an overly religious phase we wore skirts to our knees, hair to my waste and grew our own food. When he was not in a religious phase he was doing drugs and acting psychotic. He took the concept of helping people to the extreme (as he did everything else) so instead of giving money to the homeless on his way to work in DC he would bring them home to live with us. There were dangerous and scary people in and out of my home on a regular basis. Those people were not always kind to me and my little brothers and we were subjected to sexual abuse by more than one of the people. This went on until I was nine years old and we ended up moving to West Virginia because one of the men that lived with us at the time tried to kill my mother and kidnap my brothers and I.

That takes me to believing and knowing that God has been there all along. One of the ways I know this is that my mom and dad were not the only two people in the room when I was born. My paternal grandfather was also there and my grandmother was on her way. He says I looked right into his eyes and I have been his little girl ever since. God knew that my parents wouldn’t have the ability to parent me adequately and so he sent me the two people that love me most in this world- my Mommom and Poppop. They have proved through so many seasons of my life to be the love of God in physical form! God was also in my house.

The human mind is an awesome complex creation that allowed me to escape feeling physical pain from things done to me as a child. I had a special place in my head where I could just feel like I was an observer rather than a participant. Only God can give a gift like that. In addition, the night that Ed tried to kill my mom, my dad wasn’t home and we were alone in the house with this man. But I had left something at school that day- I think I was in the third grade- and since I went to a small private school my teacher knew where we lived. When she didn’t get an answer on the telephone she came over. Her ringing our doorbell saved our lives and I know that was God.

We moved to West Virginia not long after that. When I was 12, a young kid off the streets moved in with us. My parents said his parents didn’t take good care of him (hello?). My mom was in another deep depression at that time so having another mouth to feed really didn’t affect me that much, but I was jealous of how much time this boy spent with my mom. We had to leave her alone because she was so emotionally fragile and I was taking care of my two little brothers and myself and the house and he got to go in my mom’s room all the time. It made me really mad. You have to understand that my father kept us very sheltered from the world- we lived out in the middle of nowhere and we were “homeschooled”, etc. The only people we knew were the people we went to church with when we went. And God was there-

Even though doctrinally I know now that church was erroneous, God was still there and I got to volunteer in the nursery, sing in the choir, sing special music, play the piano and play the hand bells. That was the only time in those years I got to be me. I really believe that maintained my composure and sanity through a difficult time and God gets all the glory for that.

Then one day my dad announced to me that my mom and this young boy were going to try to have a baby together, that the baby would call the boy Daddy and my dad Papa. I had always been the one to stand up to my dad when he acted nuts and this time was no exception. I told him all the ways that this was morally wrong and that I didn’t understand why he was talking like this. He told me that if I didn’t like it I could find somewhere else to live. I was 13. He said that if I told anyone what was going on he would kill himself.

That was a chance I was willing to take and I ran away when my dad was at work and called my grandparents to come pick me up. Once again God provided and they were there for me. I reported to a counselor they took me to what was going on- not knowing that what was occurring was a crime and that my family was about to implode.

My dad got wind that the cops were coming to arrest him and my mom and they left town. I was put in foster care. The foster family were Christians and their church accepted me with open arms and again I was singing and going to youth group. God provided.

My grandparents fought like crazy and within a year had custody of me. That was the time in my life that God gave me the opportunity to be a kid. I got to have sleep overs with my friends, go to the movies, eat meat, wear pants! It was great and I am so thankful I had that experience.

However, when I was just about to turn sixteen I found out my mom was getting ready to have a baby with the same young man (thankfully it hadn’t materialized before then). I was an adolescent girl that harbored a lot of anger and resentment towards my mom for choosing a relationship over her children so I left my grandparents and ran away to try to force my mom to be a mom. That lasted two weeks before she threw me out. And I was 16 and on my own.

God provided and I had a place to live with an ex of my dad’s. I got a job and thought I had everything figured out. I used guys for money, food and drugs and ended up pregnant. That was the first time in a long time I prayed. One of those God if you get me out of this mess I will be perfect forever prayers. I didn’t think God answered but now that Jared is here I know He was in control the whole time. Able to make all things right with His omnipotent power.

When I was pregnant with Jared I met Mike. We have been married for 12 years and have had Matthew as well. Mike adopted Jared and we ended up getting custody of, and I adopted Mike’s son from his first marriage in 1999. God orchestrated every move of that custody battle that started with a phone call from neighbor.

In the years that followed I faced cervical cancer- (God provided best doctors), life with my bonus son went downhill due to trauma and abuse he had suffered at the hands of his biological mother (strength to survive that only comes from God),and in the last two years we have faced the death of close loved ones (young and old), and my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis in January 2008. Through it all God has been faithful.

My illness was God’s way of trying to get me to slow down and allow the Holy Spirit to do one of his most important jobs- (John 14:26) Allowing the Holy Spirit to be your counselor is one of the most healing things you can do. Slowly but surely- God will only reveal to you what you can handle- God is creating opportunities for me to remember, know that God remembered me then and he is remembering me now. I am better for all of it.

At this point in my life He has helped me realize that I am enough because He created me. I am loved, accepted and forgiven. I am an heir of God (romans 8:16,17) And the thing God has helped me do the most is forgive myself. I had shame, feelings of failure, if I coulda, should, woulda’s. God doesn’t do that folks and neither should we- there are no might have beens. God deals with our present and holds our future in His hands. Forgive yourself- it does NOT matter what you have done, what has been done to you- if he can send His own son to die on the cross for ALL our sins- yes even the ugly ones- the least we can do is offer that same forgiveness and mercy to others and ourselves.

I have recently reconciled with my father after thirteen years of not speaking, my mom and I have a great relationship and there will be more moments to come that He needs to reveal and shape and mold me into His will. Life is a journey- we don’t reach our final destination until heaven, so a year from now I will have a whole new testimony to share.

Allow God to continually work on you, if he reveals something that needs to be fixed be willing to do the work (whatever it is) to fix it. Do you need to form a new habit? Do you need to let bitterness go? Do you need to focus less on yourself and more on others? Whatever God reveals don’t fight it- let Him do His good work in and through you.

Psalm 27 is always of comfort to me and it tells us that God is always setting the stage for something greater in our lives than we are able to see through our momentary circumstances.

If you go back through the annals of your life you will see that God was and is there. This realization allowed me and it can allow you to really lean back into that love and trust that He will do what He says He will do. Nobody else in our life can offer us that- just God. Please, dear ones, whatever you are going through recognize that God is there with you. Lean on him and hold fast.

Melissa Smallwood (aka Multi-tasking Mama) has worked with seniors and families as a professional organizer for several years and is the owner of Organized Life by Design, LLC. She has an extensive human services background. She is also the mom of three active boys (one of which has special needs). She enjoys helping people get their lives, calendars and homes organized so that they have time to see and enjoy their blessings! Melissa also has a passion for cheap yet chic home décor and has many resources available for decorating your home on a budget. Melissa has written many articles on organizing for various websites and organizations including Online Organizing.com, Show Mom the Money, Ask Baby Kid, Dr. Mommy Says, Sassy Mamas, Pink Lemonade of Life and more.

Double The Irony

It's Fiction Fridays, and Patty from Patterings is graciously allowing me to be hostess. I'm so excited! To learn more about her meme, click here.

To post your own fiction or to read others today, just go to cute lil old Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post:

Double The Irony
How ironic, I dare say. My cross necklace, which represented my newly found freedom in Christ, was tangled up in knots. I slammed the heirloom piece down on the bathroom counter and looked up at my blurry face in the mirror. Just like your life, Sandy. It’s your senior year. You’re supposed to be having the time of your life, but instead, your life’s a mess.

That was the day I decided I wouldn’t hide the truth any longer. The difficult part, though, would be convincing my friend Tamara to do the same. We'd both shared the same secret for two years, and that meant we’d shared each other’s pain as well. So it was double the knots. But I’d heard on the Christian radio that morning, “And the Truth shall set you free...” I was desperate to be free.


“No way, Sandy. I won’t tell anyone about it. And if you do, our friendship is done, ya hear?”

After an hour of heartfelt pleading, she refused to budge. I sighed with frustration. “How can you say that? After all we’ve been through? Tamara, you're my best friend. I love you. I just can’t live this way anymore.” My lips and hands were numb from trembling.

Tamara had a comeback for everything. “Well, you think you’re bad-off now, just wait until you tell. You’re going to make everything worse.”


Tamara was right. Just five days later, I wanted to kill myself. I chose to tell the truth, and all that came back at me were accusations. Wishing I could curl up as tight as the knot in my stomach, I sobbed on my bed. Alone. My foster parents didn’t believe me, and my best friend had abandoned me. Once again, I was an outcast. And the jerk gets off the hook. Of course he does, he coaches the winning volleyball team in the state. "So much for the truth setting me free."

Over the next several months, I survived while Tamara thrived. I quit the volleyball team. Tamara became captain. My grades went down. Hers went up. I was the school freak. She was the Homecoming queen candidate. She had dared to keep the secret, while I'd opted to tell the truth, and it was obvious that her dare had trumped the truth.

It was double the pain.

My loneliness led me back to the one place where, years before, I had felt accepted: my youth group. Completely broken, I felt I had nothing to lose. “I have a prayer request,” I squeaked. There I was, asking for something when I had ignored multiple attempts by different members of the group to befriend me in the past.

They, without hesitation, surrounded me. As warm hands touched my shoulders, my arms and my sides, one of my peers prayed, “Lord, give Sandy your strength. Keep her close to You. And Lord, please untangle the mess of this whole situation.” Near strangers shed tears with me, and none of us could have been more shocked with the moments following.

“Hey everyone. Everyone, could I ask you to listen to Jaimee for a minute? She has something to say,” our youth group leader announced.

Waves of “Sure,” “Absolutely,” “Of course,” rippled through the air before thick silence consumed the room.

Jaimee, who I had always considered a self-assured person, looked horribly unsure of her decision to speak. Several brave swallows later, her words tumbled out clumsily. “I—I—Ohh.…” She looked down at her sneakers, stole a deep breath and said, “I need to tell you all that I was also harassed by Coach Daniels. I just never had the courage to tell anyone. Until now…and I know there have been several others—at least.” A bright blue mascara trail streamed down her cheeks.

I couldn’t breathe. Then the thought occurred to me. That’s why she quit the team last year. It had nothing to do with her grades. Then, several others? Could it be true?

All of us gathered round Jaimee the same way everyone had surrounded me earlier. This time, I prayed. Right in front of her, I grabbed both of her clammy hands and prayed the best I knew how. “Oh God, thank you for Jaimee. Thank you, that even knowing how much it may cost her, she has dared to tell the truth. And Lord, may the truth bring peace—and—freedom. For both of us." And for Tamara too, Lord, I prayed silently from the depth of love I still had for her in my heart.

As I opened my eyes after the final Amen, I couldn’t help but notice the cross necklace Jaimee wore. It didn’t have a single knot. I dare say, how ironic.


Reference: John 8:32




In the Key of HE,

Mama On My Mind

It would have been my mama's birthday today. May 7th, same as my hubby's birthday too. I find myself wishing that God had called me out to write Mom's story while she was still alive, because she has quite a phenomenal story indeed. Can't seem to get my mama off my mind.

The bottom line is that she was handicapped by a tragic car accident in her adulthood. The damage from it caused her years and years of horrific pain that I'm sure no more than a handful have experienced in their lifetime. Though it's taken me my whole life to learn, I am forever endebted to the example she set for me in the faith.

When I get disgruntled, her memory is there. When I get discontent, her memory is there. When I get insecure, her memory is always there. As Mother's Day approaches, it will be my second without her to call on the phone. I miss her. So happy she is whole in mind and body, but I miss her none the same.

God-in-her is the reason that I am who I am today. And what I am is someone who desperately depends on the Lord to get me through each day. She taught me the secret that so many Christians cannot even fathom. It is found in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (NIV):

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

The photo above is the last picture my sister and I had with my mom before she couldn't sit up for pictures anymore (only six months later).

Yup, I just got my mama on my mind today...so I may just have to sing a "Happy Birthday" song to her, even if it's just for me.


Two publications have posted my mom's tribute this month, and I am ever so thankful. One is a Christian newspaper in Amarillo, Texas. The other is an online ezine that is viewed all over the world. You can click here if you are interested in reading my mother's incredible story of courage and God-strength: 

http://journezine.com/May08/LessonsShaw/tabid/1648/Default.aspx