It's Pattering's Fiction Friday, and Yvonne at My Back Door is hosting.
Springs of Gloom and Cheer
Tears were not an item originally intended for my grocery list, but they were scribbled all over it now..
Eggs.
Bread.
TP.
Can’t. Do. This. ANYMORE.
I QUIT.
Moments earlier, as I sat at the kitchen table trying to organize my day, the sight outside my window grabbed the shirt of my heart and wouldn’t let go. My daughter was blasting out a happy song while springing up and down on the trampoline with her favorite doll.
Up and down, singing her merry melody.
Up high with a playful kick, a bounce to her feet, then down on her bottom and up on her feet again.
Such was the state of my emotions on and off since childhood, but lately, the bouncing had seemed unbearable. Shouting on top of the mountain of cheer. Sighing in the valley of gloom. Sometimes three times in the same day.
I quit.
I’m tired of the trampoline.
“Hi, Mama,” Lilly said as she tried to catch her breath. “Mama, did you see me on the trampoline? I was jumping really high. Molly and I could almost reach the sky.”
Yes, I’ve been there many times. “I know, Sweetie, you sure you didn’t touch a cloud?”
“Maybe. What’s wrong, Mama? Your eyes are crying.”
I forced a smile. “Ohhhhh, they’re just love tears, Baby Doll.”
“Oh. Well, did you see us fall too, Mama? I landed right on top of Molly and made her sad.” Lilly rocked her Molly doll back and forth, just like I had rocked Lilly so many times when I’d made her sad with my topple down of emotions.
“Molly knows how much you love her, Sweetie. You’d never fall down on her on purpose, would you?”
She smacked a kiss on the doll’s braided hair. “Nooooo, never,” Lilly vowed through gritted teeth. “I love my Molly tooooo much,” She snuggled her close as she sprang to the next room.
And I love you too much, Lilly. I juggled the spinning saucers of solutions in my mind, trying to catch each one before they broke in self-defeat. My sister had been begging me to see a counselor. My best friend was absolutely certain that it was time to let the doctor prescribe some meds. My husband knew that a good workout and diet plan would balance out my hormonal teeter-totter. My spiritual mentor reminded me to pray more, memorize more Scripture. Truth be told, I knew ALL of the advice was sound, but I lacked the clarity to know what to do first.
God help me. It’s too confusing. I can’t do this.
Lilly’s piano lesson shattered my defeated thoughts. “Mommy made me mash my M&Ms. Do, Doooo,” Up and down her warm-up scales she went, pedal all the way to the floor. Over and over. Each note ricocheted on the walls of my nerves. “Mommy MADE ME MASH my M&Ms. Do DOOOOO!!!!”
Eyes shut now, I could hardly bear the extra noise causing confusion to swell within my chest. I leaned against the kitchen counter, then melted into it.
“Sing with me, Molly,” Lilly coached. “Now this one’s extra important, Molly, okay? So sing it with all your heart to Jesus. Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart.”
Lilly’s precious voice singing the song I'd sung to her over and over again invited my tears to join in. They streamed like hot summer rain down my cheeks.
“I want to see you. I want to see you...”
That’s what I want too. Lord, show me what to do.
“…LOUDER, Molly. To see You high and lifted up. Shining in the light of Your glory Pour out Your power and love. As we sing holy, holy, holy.”
The Holy Spirit poured out His counsel to me, and I knew what to do...
While Lilly and Molly sang up and down the scales of “holies,” I laid down my pride and picked up the phone - because I was tired of the trampoline.
Words and Music by Paul Baloche
*****If you or someone you know needs help with depression or mood swings, I’m here to pray. Also, don’t hesitate to call a close friend you trust, a compassionate ministry leader or a professional Christian Counselor.
A few ministries I trust are as follows:
http://www.hopefortheheart.org/site/PageServer?pagename=hlp_one_on_one
http://www.needhim.org/
http://cornerstonethefoundation.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 24, 2009
Springs of Gloom and Cheer
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
He Will Do That...
What has God called you to?
What are the purposes He has laid on your heart?
If He's called you to the mission field,
If He's called you to serve in your church,
If He's called you to evangelize in your workplace,
Or mentoring,
Or waiting,
Or praying,
Or taking in the poor,
Or using your gifts and talents,
Lord Jesus, You are faithful, and You are committed. You love us and have our perfect best in mind. Help us this day to deny whatever distracts us from You and be attentive and faithful to Your call. Whatever it is, Lord, we long to obey. We trust You, for it is in Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Leaning, Learning...Living
If you will, read the following verse, study the picture...
What part of it speaks to you?
Or maybe it's the picture of Jesus, face down,clawing His fingers into the rock.Knowing He was about to suffer,He cried out to His Father in a loud voice,and then pressed into Him,begging for strength and help in His pain.
I have no problems crying out, trusting, leaning, grabbing onto Him for dear life. It is a habit, a dependence for many years.
And I learn--in my head, in my heart, even telling others what I've learned. But to take all that learning and somehow change my habits and priorities as a result? Well, lemme confess, He's still working on me there. It's about my need for comfort. My obsession with peace. My love for calm and personal space.
My earnest prayer is that He would minister to you through His Word today...reveal something hidden, great or small, that needs to come out in order to grow up in Him, in order to deepen your relationship with your Papa. I'm taking this opportunity that Word-Filled Wednesday has given me to crawl up on my Daddy's lap and ask Him to teach me while I sit and listen to Him talk. Will you do the same?
For more Word-Filled Wednesday leaning, learning and living, hike on over to:
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Praise in A Minor Key
My big sister ministered to us. Knowing of difficult times we are going through, God led her to send us Psalm 34, the perfect cry of our hearts right now. Sometimes praise isn't a march or an anthem. Sometimes praise is sung in a minor key. So today, I choose to praise Him, and I will use this anointed Psalm to do so:
Of David. When he pretended to be insane before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he left.
"I will extol the LORD at all times;
His praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt His name together.
I sought the LORD, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
He saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and He delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
Fear the LORD, you His saints,
for those who fear Him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and His ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
He protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems His servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in Him."
Lord, Brian and I take refuge in You today. We will never stop praising You, trusting You, depending on You. Thank You for being close to us in our newest wave of trials. We feel it and nestle in it even now. Give us strength and courage for this day. Help us not to forget our commitment to You. It is in Your name that we live and move and have our being, Amen.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Got Guilt?
Sometimes it's a song that breaks through a stronghold.
For years, I had been given over to a guilt complex. Not for any one thing. Just for all kinds of things. I would take responsibility for situations that were not even mine to take on. I would ask for forgiveness for something, yet eat my guilt away in Hostess products. I prayed for it to go away, but I could not overcome it.
Then our worship pastor introduced this song. My eyelashes got a bath, as well as my whole face as I stood in awe over the lyrics and the melody. It was positively anointed. It reached through and healed my stronghold. Snap. Just like that. I wish I had a video of my church choir and vocalists singing it, but unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera for the souvenir moment. Aha, but I don't feel guilty. Instead, I go to God. Tube, that is. I found this video on GodTube, and it is powerful as well. Enjoy the powerful lyrics, and if you are a visual worshiper, the film clips as well:
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,
by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain,
that is, His body, and since we have a great priest
over the house of God,
let us draw near to God with a sincere heart
in full assurance of faith,
having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us
from a guilty conscience
and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:19-23 (NIV)
No more guilt. Not me. When I fail, I go to the One who forgives and gives me help to turn from my sin. I will not bask on the waters of self-righteous, self-pitying guilt. I’ll put my trust in His powerful, loving salvation instead.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Supernatural Acts of Kindness
***Posted for Patty Wysong's Fiction Fridays. For more great fiction, click here: http://pattywysong.blogspot.com
To: Elaine__emeyer@friendmail.net
Subject: I’m DESPERATE!
On 4/16/07 10:55 AM, Jennifer Miller wrote:
Lainey,
I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, but I don’t think I could talk if I wanted to. I’m really strung out taking care of grandmom right now. I’m so afraid she’s going to fall that I can’t even sleep. Sheer exhaustion.
The medicare office said they’d send someone over for TWO lousy hours a week, Lainey! How am I supposed to do all this and manage the kids, too?
I know this stress will pass, but PLEASE pray for me. I could use a supernatural touch.
Love,
Jenny
____________________________________________________
After pushing the send button, I fell to my knees in prayer. Lainey will pray, Lord. But I feel like I’m beyond help. I know You’re there, but I beg you to let me feel You in a real way.
I spent the next few minutes pouring out my weary soul to the only One that could fully understand. A deep thump and a clank sounded. I knew that Grandmom had fallen and hit the side of the bed’s metal frame.
“MOM!” my nine-year-old screamed from the bottom of the stairs, “Grandmammy fell again!”
“I’m coming!” I yelled as I flew down the stairs.
When I got to her room, Grandmom was trying to pull herself up using the iron post of the bed. I stood over her and carefully grabbed her arms. “Here, let me help, ok?”
She smiled, and her eyes twinkled a "thank you," though they had that far away look in them again. “Okay,” she feebly responded.
While straining to get her back in bed, I gently scolded her: “Grandmom, you’ve GOT to stay in bed unless I help you, ok? It’s not safe for you to do it by yourself. Please use the bell to call for me, alright?”
It was only moments later that she was asleep again. Thank goodness. I tiptoed out of the room. My little ones were anxiously waiting outside the door.
“Mom, is Grandmammy ok?”
“Did she fall?”
“Yes, but she’s all right now,” I reassured them tenderly.
“Mom, Mrs. Jones called. She said that she wanted to bring you over some dinner tonight,” my daughter reported.
My youngest chimed in, “Yea, lasagna—YUCK!”
Oh, Lord, please give me patience!
The phone rang, and I saw it was my mentor at church. I can’t face her right now, I thought. Yet as the answering machine picked up, I heard her lift up a prayer on my behalf. It moved me.
The doorbell interrupted her prayer message, and the dog began barking at the door. What now? Impatience built with each disruption.
“Stop barking, Sally!” I snapped.
I opened the door to find my dear friend Laurie standing there. “I’d like for them to come and do homework with us for awhile, if that’s okay?”
My kids began to pull and beg at me.
“I don’t know what to say, Laurie," I spoke as the tears welled up in my eyes. "Um, sure...sure they can go. Thanks.”
She gave me a big hug and a knowing look. “Oh, and here’s your mail.”
I waved as she drove away with the kids in the back of her Suburban, and I collapsed into the first chair I could find. A feeling of thankfulness overwhelmed me. Thank you for the break, God.
As I remembered the pile of mail in hand, a card from my Bible Study group was on top. I hadn’t been able to go for several weeks, and it had just added to my sorry state of mind. When I flipped open the card, all of them had written a personal note, but it was the scripture in the center that grabbed me:
You encourage them and listen to their cry.”
Psalm 10:17
Oh, Father—You heard my cry…
It was as if God had reached down and caught my fallen spirit through the words and actions of the Christian friends He had provided for me. Refreshed and renewed, I went back to Grandmom’s room to show her the mail that had come for her: Two cards from her dear church friends, and a note from the Pastor. I was glad to find her awake.
We both cried together and spent some time by the side of the bed, thanking God for His supernatural acts of kindness.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Mama On My Mind
It would have been my mama's birthday today. May 7th, same as my hubby's birthday too. I find myself wishing that God had called me out to write Mom's story while she was still alive, because she has quite a phenomenal story indeed. Can't seem to get my mama off my mind.
The bottom line is that she was handicapped by a tragic car accident in her adulthood. The damage from it caused her years and years of horrific pain that I'm sure no more than a handful have experienced in their lifetime. Though it's taken me my whole life to learn, I am forever endebted to the example she set for me in the faith.
When I get disgruntled, her memory is there. When I get discontent, her memory is there. When I get insecure, her memory is always there. As Mother's Day approaches, it will be my second without her to call on the phone. I miss her. So happy she is whole in mind and body, but I miss her none the same.
God-in-her is the reason that I am who I am today. And what I am is someone who desperately depends on the Lord to get me through each day. She taught me the secret that so many Christians cannot even fathom. It is found in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (NIV):
The photo above is the last picture my sister and I had with my mom before she couldn't sit up for pictures anymore (only six months later).
Two publications have posted my mom's tribute this month, and I am ever so thankful. One is a Christian newspaper in Amarillo, Texas. The other is an online ezine that is viewed all over the world. You can click here if you are interested in reading my mother's incredible story of courage and God-strength:
