Springs of Gloom and Cheer

It's Pattering's Fiction Friday, and Yvonne at My Back Door is hosting.

Springs of Gloom and Cheer

Tears were not an item originally intended for my grocery list, but they were scribbled all over it now..

Milk.

Eggs.

Bread.

TP.

Can’t. Do. This. ANYMORE.

I QUIT.

Moments earlier, as I sat at the kitchen table trying to organize my day, the sight outside my window grabbed the shirt of my heart and wouldn’t let go. My daughter was blasting out a happy song while springing up and down on the trampoline with her favorite doll.

Up and down, singing her merry melody.

Up high with a playful kick, a bounce to her feet, then down on her bottom and up on her feet again.

Such was the state of my emotions on and off since childhood, but lately, the bouncing had seemed unbearable. Shouting on top of the mountain of cheer. Sighing in the valley of gloom. Sometimes three times in the same day.

I quit.

I’m tired of the trampoline.


“Hi, Mama,” Lilly said as she tried to catch her breath. “Mama, did you see me on the trampoline? I was jumping really high. Molly and I could almost reach the sky.”

Yes, I’ve been there many times. “I know, Sweetie, you sure you didn’t touch a cloud?”

“Maybe. What’s wrong, Mama? Your eyes are crying.”

I forced a smile. “Ohhhhh, they’re just love tears, Baby Doll.”

“Oh. Well, did you see us fall too, Mama? I landed right on top of Molly and made her sad.” Lilly rocked her Molly doll back and forth, just like I had rocked Lilly so many times when I’d made her sad with my topple down of emotions.

“Molly knows how much you love her, Sweetie. You’d never fall down on her on purpose, would you?”

She smacked a kiss on the doll’s braided hair. “Nooooo, never,” Lilly vowed through gritted teeth. “I love my Molly tooooo much,” She snuggled her close as she sprang to the next room.

And I love you too much, Lilly. I juggled the spinning saucers of solutions in my mind, trying to catch each one before they broke in self-defeat. My sister had been begging me to see a counselor. My best friend was absolutely certain that it was time to let the doctor prescribe some meds. My husband knew that a good workout and diet plan would balance out my hormonal teeter-totter. My spiritual mentor reminded me to pray more, memorize more Scripture. Truth be told, I knew ALL of the advice was sound, but I lacked the clarity to know what to do first.

God help me. It’s too confusing. I can’t do this.

Lilly’s piano lesson shattered my defeated thoughts. “Mommy made me mash my M&Ms. Do, Doooo,” Up and down her warm-up scales she went, pedal all the way to the floor. Over and over. Each note ricocheted on the walls of my nerves. “Mommy MADE ME MASH my M&Ms. Do DOOOOO!!!!”

Eyes shut now, I could hardly bear the extra noise causing confusion to swell within my chest. I leaned against the kitchen counter, then melted into it.

“Sing with me, Molly,” Lilly coached. “Now this one’s extra important, Molly, okay? So sing it with all your heart to Jesus. Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart.”

Lilly’s precious voice singing the song I'd sung to her over and over again invited my tears to join in. They streamed like hot summer rain down my cheeks.

“I want to see you. I want to see you...”

That’s what I want too. Lord, show me what to do.

“…LOUDER, Molly. To see You high and lifted up. Shining in the light of Your glory Pour out Your power and love. As we sing holy, holy, holy.”

The Holy Spirit poured out His counsel to me, and I knew what to do...

While Lilly and Molly sang up and down the scales of “holies,” I laid down my pride and picked up the phone - because I was tired of the trampoline.

“He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.”

Psalm 40:2 

***"Open The Eyes of My Heart"
Words and Music by Paul Baloche

*****If you or someone you know needs help with depression or mood swings, I’m here to pray. Also, don’t hesitate to call a close friend you trust, a compassionate ministry leader or a professional Christian Counselor.

A few ministries I trust are as follows:
http://www.hopefortheheart.org/site/PageServer?pagename=hlp_one_on_one
http://www.needhim.org/
http://cornerstonethefoundation.blogspot.com/

Hope & Help for Depression

Linking you to my friend Peter today from When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong. He has put together all of his posts on recovery from major depression and the hope that exists at the end.

I am so humbled by the fact that he would put this in book form, free to reproduce. Believe me when I tell you, it is masterfully written. The best part is that it doesn't read like a manual; rather a journal and a conversation. His posts have been vulnerable, authentic, personal and deep, yet filled with hope and joy.

Please go by When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong and glean from this resource if you battle with depression or long to help someone who does. Your soul will be blessed. 

Josh Janoski Shares His Story

It's number THREE out of eleven salvation testimonies to be shared on Selah the days leading up to and just after Easter. I can't think of a better way to celebrate His resurrection than hearing God-stories of souls raised from death to life. So pause. Ponder what He has done. Then praise Him!!!!

I know you'll enjoy hearing from my friend, Josh. God's really gifted him not only as a writer, but also as an authentic communicator. I pray his testimony reaches one who is lost, letdown or looking today.

***

What is my testimony?

This is a question I used to ask myself. I never really felt like I had much of a testimony to share with people. I hadn’t been addicted to drugs. I wasn’t a recovering alcoholic. I never found myself in jail or hanging with the wrong crowds. I guess you could say that I was pretty “straight-laced” growing up. I was the shy, timid boy who was afraid to say much to anyone, let alone go out and get myself in to a bunch of trouble. I didn’t seem to have found my salvation. It sort of found me, or at least I thought that was the case.

I grew up with Godly parents that taught me about Jesus from birth. My mother has a cassette tape of me singing Jesus loves me when I was one and a half years old. I attended a private Christian elementary school, and I had first accepted Jesus Christ into my heart at the age of 6. I was then baptized in water at age 10. Nothing exciting about my walk with the Lord, it was all pretty straightforward and boring, right?

That all changed when I entered the 7th grade. I began experiencing a fear and terror unlike anything I had ever faced before. The internal scare was accompanied by physical symptoms of hyperventilating, shakiness, and dry mouth. At age 13, I was experiencing anxiety and “panic attacks.” They were something my dad had struggled with for years, and I had never understood them. I still didn’t understand them, and neither did my teachers or principal. They thought I was just a clever kid who was finding a way out of having to go to school. They didn’t know me and how much I loved academics. They didn’t realize that I thrived on going to school and learning new things. This was not a ploy to get to go home and have fun. This was a battle within my mind.

For several months I struggled with sitting in the car every morning, ducked down and sobbing uncontrollably, afraid to enter the school building. The principal decided to let me try half days to see if that would work better for me. It did for a short while, but then I began to be plagued again by the symptoms. Finally, my parents gave up and pulled me out of public school to homeschool me.

I was a failure. There was no hope for me. God had abandoned me. The Savior that I grew up praising had left me. I sat in darkness for a period of time until I finally hit rock bottom. It was at this point that I realized I needed to renew my commitment to the Lord. I asked Him into my heart for a second time, but the second time felt like the first as I had now matured enough to know what having a relationship with Him truly meant. I now realized what salvation in Him was, and for the first time, I truly felt saved. I made up my mind that I was going to get things turned around in my life. I graduated high school and decided to go on to college.

The symptoms began to hit me again during my first semester of college. I started to cower down in fear, but I heard that beautiful, still-soft voice speak into my ear “Remember 7th grade. How long will you keep running from this? Be strong because I am with you through every step of this journey.”

I now have my Bachelor’s Degree. I now have a good paying job and a lovely fiancé. Most of all, I now have my testimony and my assurance of who I am in Jesus Christ because of what He has brought me through. My salvation is in Him alone, and I cannot thank Him enough for loving me.

Josh is a 26 year old Network Administrator living in the beautiful mountain state of Colorado. When he's not tinkering with technology, Josh likes to read, exercise, play games, surf the Internet, and of course - write. He sees his writing as a ministry, given to him by God to help encourage people and lead them to the hope that is Jesus Christ. Whether it be through humor, fictional Biblical re-tellings, or non-fiction confessionals, Josh's goal is to put a smile on people's face and remind them of the love that God has for them. Please take time to visit his ministry website: Uplifting Words or his personal blog at Just Joshing.

Beside Myself

The Christian life is not a constant high.

I have my moments of deep discouragement.

I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes,

and say, 'O God, forgive me,' or 'Help me.'

Billy Graham

I have to say a HUGE “Amen” to Mr. Graham here. I also have seasons of deep discouragement. And when that happens, I get a little bit beside myself.

But beside myself is exactly where I need to be. It reminds me of my smallness, my inability to inspire myself and to find pleasure in anything this life has to offer.

During those times, I’ve learned that the first place I need to go is to my Papa. I need to make Him the first one to wipe my tears and to comfort me. I need to ask for His direction. Sometimes He frees me up to phone or text a friend, or put out a few emails or even a public plea for help to ministry supporters. Often, He leads me to keep it just between the two of us.

But come to Him first, I must.

Psalm 42:1-8, The Message

A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek;

I want to drink God, deep draughts of God.

I'm thirsty for God-alive.

I wonder, "Will I ever make it—arrive and drink in God's presence?"

I'm on a diet of tears—tears for breakfast, tears for supper.

All day long people knock at my door, pestering,

"Where is this God of yours?"

These are the things I go over and over,

emptying out the pockets of my life.

I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,

right out in front, leading them all,

eager to arrive and worship,

Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—

celebrating, all of us, God's feast!

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?

Why are you crying the blues?

Fix my eyes on God—soon I'll be praising again.

He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you,

From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar.

Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids.

Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me.

Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night!

My life is God's prayer.

Why go to Him first? Because HE is the only One who can forgive my sins, who can heal my dysfunction and brokenness, who can deliver me from my strongholds, who can encourage me in my inmost being (read Psalm 103). He’s the only One who can see into the locked broom closets of my soul.

Furthermore, He already knows me. He doesn’t see my hurts and pains as a reason to judge me. He doesn’t see my weakness the way humans do. He is completely forgiving and sees the absolute best in me.

So this is why I give Him my all, and first. These past few months, my Papa has seen the worst in me, and He has seen His best in me. I’ve been beside myself, while He has been my everything. And I love Him all the more, even though He couldn’t possibly love me any less.

“My life is God’s prayer.”

“And the God of all grace,

who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

after you have suffered a little while,

will Himself restore you and make you

strong, firm and steadfast.”

1 Peter 5:10

If Walls Could Tattle

I'm so excited to be a part of Patterings Friday Fiction today! I haven't done so in quite awhile. I've been working on this story on and off in my spare time for over six months, and it's finally finished! I pray it reaches the heart of a family that needs the message it has to offer...

For more great fiction, go knock on Yvonne's Back Door. She's hosting the story-telling this week.

If Walls Could Tattle…

I always knew my bedroom closet was small, but now its walls were closing in on me. It was as though the blouses hung there only to smother me, the belts to strangle me.

What is wrong with me? How did I get here? I could hear the baby screaming in the next room, but she sounded miles away. Echoes of “Mom?” “MOM!” “Where are you, Mom?” came from the voice of my preschooler, but his voice was getting farther away, almost to the place where I could hear the Sesame Street theme song.

I just need a few minutes. Pleeease, Lord, please give me a few minutes. “God, what is happening to me?” I whined.

In double time, the activities from the week gone-by sprinted through my mind. I sat curled up and hunched over my knees on the floor, shoving the stinky shoes as far away from me as I could with my fists.

My heart was racing as I recalled each day, though I don’t know why. I spoke at a MOPS event on Monday. Couldn’t have gone better. Tuesday was Amber’s 18-month immunizations. Lots of tears, but no side effects like Joey had at her age. Wednesday, laundry and church. Now what happened on Thursday? Thursday was a blur, and my heart began to race faster. Thursday…was that yesterday?…Oh, I talked to my mother on the phone, then a nap. Or maybe that was two days ago…

I tried to breathe deeply, but I couldn’t drink in enough oxygen. A pain went through my forehead, while the pounding and thumping of my heart continued. Now the phone was ringing. I wanted to get up, but couldn’t. I heard my mother’s voice over the answering machine in the room beside me.

“Lori, hey, this is Mom. This is the third time I’ve called, and I tried your cell phone too. Are you okay? I’m starting to get worried. Please call me.”

I wanted to pick up, but knew I couldn’t. She’ll think I can’t handle being a mom—again.

Joey was nearer than before. “Mom, where are you?”

Bare footsteps squeaked on the floor next to the closet. It was as if he could hear me breathing. Then a trio of knocks tapped on the door.

“Mom?”

“Just a second, Honey,” I squeezed out of my falsetto voice, the only way I could fake a calm.

“Gramma, I found her. She’s in the closet, just a second.”

I heard him plunk the phone down on the bathroom counter and then tiptoe clumsily out of the room. Why did he have to pick up the phone? Pulling myself to my knees, then to my feet, I steadied my stance against the closed door. I took a deep breath to calm myself for the realities that lay ahead of me as I opened the closet door. The piercing sounds of Amber’s cries, no longer muffled, shot straight to my nerve endings. 

“Hello?” The mirror in front of me reflected a plastic smile, but it couldn’t reveal my bitterness toward this unwanted phone conversation. “Yes, Mom, I’m fine.” I combed through my matted, tangled hair with trembling fingers and rushed to comfort the baby. “I was in the closet because I was getting dressed, Mother,” I snipped, nearing Amber’s room.

It was as if I were fifteen again, and no one in the world could understand me. Not even me. But especially my mother, I thought. Her words fell on deaf ears. “How long has the baby been crying, Lori? Has she eaten? You know you’ve got to feed her more often than you did Joey, right? She’s not like Joey. Each child is unique, Lori.”

“Um-huh,” I said, trying my best to ignore the experience I detested in her. I knew I could never measure up to her perfection.

“Lori, are you listening? You know I love you, right? Is Dave helping you around the house? I’m worried you might have post-partum depression, Hon. Do you feel sad and overwhelmed?”

What would she know about overwhelmed? “No, Mom,” I huffed, “I’m not sad, and I’m not overwhelmed.” I bounced Amber up and down across my chest, nearly gagging over a whiff of her reeking diaper.

Joey walked in and handed me a remote control. “Mom, I can’t understand the TV. Can you fix it?” The sound of Spanish voices blared from the next room. “Hurry, Mom, I’m missing the best part,” he whined, pinching his nose to avoid the smell.

Interrupting her unsolicited expertise, I announced, “Mom, I’m gonna let you go. I gotta fix the TV and change a diaper, okay?” I paced back and forth as she droned on. “No, I don’t need your help. I’m fine. You just called at a busy time, that’s all. But I really need to go. I’ll call you later.”

Before she could start her next sentence, I handed the phone back to Joey, and I fought back the tears.

***

Two more of Joey’s favorite shows had passed, as well as two more tantrums from my toddler. And now the only sobs I could hear were my own. The bedroom closet, which held close my secrets of overwhelming sadness, had now become my closest companion.

Author's note: If you need help with postpartum depression, PLEASE stop lying to yourself, and do NOT hide. Your husband, a family member, your church, a licensed Christian counselor or a reputable doctor can help you find a solution. Even if you have not had postpartum with previous children, it can happen. I know, because it happened to me...

Also, I'd be happy to pray for you or even share my personal story if you need extra encouragement. Just press the "Email Me" button on my blog sidebar.

In the Key of HE,

Still Celebrating and Selah-ing w/ a Little Sleeping too...

I have not had a moment to write. I've had time to read and take in the Lord's Selah moments (just a little though), and I've had time to entertain and celebrate life with my family. I guess I've done some sleeping, but not as much as needed for reasons I won't go into. My weekend is equally as busy.

But I read a post this evening that really struck a chord within me...not necessarily for myself, but for so many suffering right now. Peter Stone, whose blog's mission is to help those suffering with depression, trials, suffering and tribulation, wrote some powerful words today. 

For whatever reason, the Lord has led me to direct my readers to it. Peter is an incredible writer, but has never been as interested in bringing glory to himself as he has to bringing glory to God through his talent and his own trials. If the Lord leads you, head on over to When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong to glean insight into the world of chronic depression or a season of trials. I truly believe you will leave changed from it.

So, I'll be back on Monday, ya'all, with an At the Well meme post on "Regrets and Resolutions."After that, we'll see how often He picks up my pen...your guess is as good as mine...

In the Key of HE,

Lifesong In The Limelight/Josh Janoski

I truly believe that a person's testimony, salvation or otherwise, is one of the most powerful expressions of the Christian faith. I thrive on hearing God-stories. When I had my blog giveaway/contest, I asked for testimonies based on songs affecting one's faith. Well, people submitted, and I was moved. That's where "Lifesong In the Limelight" on Saturdays was born.

Josh from Just Joshing blew me away with this testimony, and it is such an encouraging one that will hopefully help someone who needs to hear it today. If you want to know someone who loves to encourage, desires to passionately pursue Christ and who has a great sense of humor, then you need to know Josh. He's a phenomenal writer and a faithful Christian friend to me and so many others in the online Christian community. For all of these reasons and more, I'm so privileged to feature him as this Saturday's

God Speaking Through Song - Who Am I?

The first time I heard this song, I wasn’t all that inspired, because to be honest, I wasn’t really listening to the words closely and absorbing the song’s message. However, during June 2007, I found myself fighting a deep depression that caused me to not want to leave my apartment. My mother had given me a Casting Crowns CD, and I decided to play it. The song "Who Am I?" was one of the songs to come on, and I immediately recognized the tune, but this time I decided to listen to the words closely.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Lord of all the Earth. That’s a big position. And yet He takes time to know my name? To feel what I am feeling? He understands this depression I am experiencing?

Bright and morning star. Wow! He could choose to horde His light from me but instead He lights my path and steers my heart in the direction that it needs to go. Why am I depressed if God has my path laid out perfectly?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I’m so worthless. Why leave this apartment and go outside to a world that doesn’t care…but wait a minute. HE CARES! Why? After all I’ve done to hurt Him and other people, how can He love me? I guess it’s not because of who I am, but because of who He is. It’s His loving nature shining through. It’s not anything that I’ve done to deserve this, it’s what He did. He made the sacrifice. He bore the sin and shame.

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

My life here is temporary. I am getting older every day. Each breath takes me closer to my last breath. I am but a tiny grain of sand on a large stretch of beach, but He hears me when I cry out to Him! He understands this pain I am experiencing right now. He is listening to me. He wants me to seek His help and counsel.

Lord, help this flower that withers away! Lord, help me to take this time I have and not use it to be depressed or downtrodden! Let me use it to serve you! Catch me Lord as I take a dive backwards into this pit of despair! Catch me and pull me out!

What is that Lord? What did you say? I am…yours? You mean you take possession of me? Even though I feel like I have no one to turn to, you still claim me as your own? I’m yours? Really? I ask this and yet somehow in my heart I know it to be true. I am yours. I am a child of the Almighty God.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am dirty. The weight of my sin bears down on me, leaving me weak and weathered. My hands are covered in the grime of this world that I have wallowed in for so long. I thought what I was doing would make me a better person, but instead my actions seek to haunt me and destroy me. Your eyes see my wrongdoings. You know all and see all, and yet, you don’t kick me when I’m already down. You watch me get back up using the strength of the hand that you have stretched out towards me.

I feel this storm inside me calming. I see you standing there and commanding this storm in my life to cease. I see now that no matter what I do, how I feel, or where I’m at, that I can trust in you. You care about this tiny grain of sand mixed in among millions of other grains.

I am a flower quickly fading
I am a wave tossed in the ocean
I am a vapor in the wind

But most of all…

I am Yours.

That right there is the message that carried me out of that depression and brought me back to the truth of God’s love for me. I hope that if you haven’t listened to this song that you do so, because I believe it will bless you just as it did me. it's strange, because I heard it on the radio yesterday after church, and I had just got done thinking about writing this post. I sang the song as I headed home, and I took the time to remember who I am in Jesus Christ.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Josh is a 26 year old Network Administrator living in the beautiful mountain state of Colorado. When he's not tinkering with technology, Josh likes to read, exercise, play games, surf the Internet, and of course - write. He sees his writing as a ministry, given to him by God to help encourage people and lead them to the hope that is Jesus Christ. Whether it be through humor, fictional Biblical re-tellings, or non-fiction confessionals, Josh's goal is to put a smile on people's face and remind them of the love that God has for them. Please take time to visit his ministry website: Uplifting Words or his personal blog at Just Joshing.

In the Key of HE,

At the Well/Flat Ceiling Prayers

At the well today, Heather at Emotional Purity is hosting a "dry" subject, and she has even given great wisdom on the topic at her blog. I suggest you read what she has to say about spiritual dryness...it is gooooood stuff.

As for me, something specific comes to my mind, and I feel led to share it. 

I remember that moment all too well. The dishes were piled up. The laundry pile was larger than the city landfill, the kids were acting out, and I was depressed. I had truly hit bottom spiritually speaking, and my life reflected it--in my words, in my actions, in everything.

Brian's granddad was living with us at the time, I was homeschooling (part-time) three kids, had an ongoing leadership position at church (which in retrospect I should've given up for a season), Brian's dad ALSO had terminal brain cancer, and I was taking granddad back and forth to see him, and going to see him myself (because he was the only father I ever really had), and etc. It's impossible for me to capture all of the circumstances that led to suffocate the life out of me spiritually, but there I was.

Now let me just say that in my case, I was still in the Word and on my knees, so I wasn't spiritually dry in the sense that I wasn't faithful to seek Him. But I was spiritually dry in the sense that none of it penetrated my heart. My prayers felt empty. The Bible fell flat. I whined and sobbed to the Lord with my whole heart; yet, I felt like I may as well have been talking to the ceiling. I even turned to other things to try to make me feel better--food, entertainment, etc. That just furthered the wedge between the Lord and me, sending me further out into the desert.

I began to withdraw from friends, because I was tired of answering the question: "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" I wanted the phone to stop ringing, I wanted the kids to leave me alone, I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide myself deep under the sheets at the foot of the bed.

But here's what God did to all my flat ceiling prayers: He scraped them off and answered them. Not by changing my circumstances, but by changing my heart, teeny tiny little by little. He began prodding me to be thankful. His challenge came from the words of other people. He caused me to become broken and humble enough to let others in to help. Friends brought us meals, sent cards, prayed for me without my even knowing it, sent emails of encouragement, and on and on.

Before long, I was out of the pit and walking with joy in the valley. Not every second, but most of them. I was still exhausted, weepy and at the end of myself, but I was God-strong. He held me up through the arms of others, and kept me there through the power of His Word. The Lord, my Saviour, my Redeemer pulled me out of the pit by my shirt collar and gave me these verses to hold onto:

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

If you are there right now--no matter the circumstances--smack dab in the middle of spiritual dry, don't stop crying out to God. Don't stop reaching out to Him. Even if it feels like your cries are falling flat to the floor or sticking to the roof of the ceiling. Even if you're walking around in puddles of tears. Even if you can't walk at all. The enemy wants to get you alone to tempt you, He wants you to withdraw, He wants you to seek other "stuff" to fix you up right, but it will lead to further separation from the Lord, the Only One who can heal what needs fixing. This isn't a formula, it's straight from Truth. Did you read those verses closely?

And it's almost impossible to understand if you're in the pit right now, but those last verses are so, so, so true as well. When the new song comes, filled with praise, many will see it and put their trust in the Lord. I'm a living, breathing witness of this truth.

Let me know your thoughts, and remember to head on over to Heather's for insightful teaching on the subject.

In the Key of HE,