Monday, August 18, 2008

What's A Wife To Say? Straight talk to wives...

As an older been-married-awhile wife, sometimes the call comes to talk to the younger still-new-at-this wife. Cindy at CindyBeall.com didn't leave me a choice, either, because we are meeting her as the host of Chelsey's At the Well meme today. Cindy's topic and questions for discussion are as follows:

Your topic:
Marriage - Building Up Your Spouse

Your Discussion Question:
How well do you sweet-talk your spouse?

What are some things you can say TODAY to let your spouse know that you think the world of them?

For once, I'm excited that there is a topic that I'm actually pretty good at. Cooking, blech! Sewing, huh? Ironing, I plead the 5th. But I do believe that if you were to ask Brian if I build him up appropriately with words, he would give a resounding "Absolutely." That's because I have the spiritual gift of encouragement.

Unfortunately, Brian is kind of the opposite. He would much rather me SHOW him how much I think about him than hear me say it any day. If I tell him I'm happy to see him and give him a smooch, then get back on my laptop, he's not feelin' the love, you know? If I greet him at the door in my favorite comfy tshirt and stretchy shorts, well...let's just put it this way. He doesn't complain, but he certainly notices when I groom myself before he pulls in the driveway.

That said, I know not every husband is this way, and no matter what the love language, NO SPOUSE WANTS TO BE SHREDDED to bits or nagged the majority of the time. Some women have allowed it to become habit to tear their spouses apart with their words, often not even realizing that's what they're doing. I cannot encourage you enough, if you think you could at all be nicknamed "Nagatha," to think and pray the Lord would show this to you and help you with it before you do serious damage.

Ephesians 4:29-30 (New Century Version)

"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you. And do not make the Holy Spirit sad. The Spirit is God's proof that you belong to Him."

The priority of loving my husband in word and in action has really hit home with me the last five years. I've had a close friend my age who lost her spouse to an extremely rare disease in just moments, another who almost lost her husband to a stroke a few months ago, and an aunt who lost her husband to a heart attack at work one day (she already lost another husband to cancer). As a matter of fact, all three of them read my blog regularly, and I pray it doesn't pain them to read this. I do not want to take a single day for granted. I want to love my Brian with all the love the Father has given me for as much time as He has given me.

So, sweet talk? Yes. Just do it! Whether you talk with your words or with your actions--show your hubby that you love him, value him, appreciate him in the way he will hear it. And in doing so, may it make the Lord smile instead of grieve over what He has brought together.

In the Key of HE,

14 friends shared a comment:

Homesteader in Training said...

Oh I think my husband would tell you that he is the most complimented man on the earth. And he knows I mean every single word too. I LOVE building him up. He deserves so much more than I give him. After over 12 years of marriage I still get all giddy when he pulls up the driveway. I LOVE my man! Woo hoo!
Blessings my sister.
Kim

Joanne Sher said...

Words I NEED - I'm passing on the actions, and fairly good on the words, but Marc certainly wouldn't complain about improvement (and he SOOO needs it - like every other husband and then some). What a blessing he is - and YOU are for sharing this!

Joyfull said...

This is an area I know the importance of, but could always use some improvement. Thanks for the encouragement to lavish love and praise on a wonderful husband!

Denise said...

Thanks for such an inspirational post sweetie.

Paul said...

It's great that you use your awareness so as not to take your happiness for granted. Too often people "don't know what they've got till it's gone." Also, I think it's a great thing when people who are fortunate don't assume "it can't happen to me" and instead have genuine compassion for those who happen to have a rougher time.

Rebecca said...

I wish more been-married-awhile wives would pass on their wisdom to us still-new-at-this wives. It's invaluable! I've read this three times and grab onto a new thought each time. I will take your words to heart and hope the Lord can smile over what He sees in our home today.

Laurie Ann said...

I loved your post! We share the same spiritual gift of encouragement. I love to take the gift entrusted to me by my Savior and spill it over to others in my life, especially my husband! He's such a great guy! God bless you for the encouragement and inspiration you have given me - never to take a single day with him for granted.

lori said...

It's not often that I LAUGH and CRY in the same post....

I have a friend who lost her husband in a horrific car accident...a blink of an eye...
I learned so much in those dark days watching her...I NEVER want to take one single day for granted....

BUT I laughed too...
" If I tell him I'm happy to see him and give him a smooch, then get back on my laptop, he's not feelin' the love, you know? If I greet him at the door in my favorite comfy tshirt and stretchy shorts, well...let's just put it this way. He doesn't complain, but he certainly notices when I groom myself before he pulls in the driveway."

Oh yes....just a bit of groomin':)
I learned that from my grandpap who told me before I got married how it THRILLED him that his bride of 60 years always put lipstick on before he got home...
never forgot it!
(sometimes it's just clear;))

Great post girl!
peace,
lori

Blessed One said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this amazing wisdom. I've only been married for 6 1/2 years, but I still make it a practice to always try to build up my hubby. How could I expect him to be my prince, if I only treat him like a frog? You hit a homerun on this one, Miss LauraLee!

Lauren @ Thingish Things said...

My husband is much more of a "show me" than "tell me" type of man too. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that, since I'm the opposite.

Great post!

Patty Wysong said...

LaLee, you really nailed it on the head! Jim and Brian are sooo much alike--and I don't do so hot at SHOWING! I'm much better at telling. *sigh* Thanks for reminding me to SHOW him!

Hehe. Maintenence?!!!
*snicker*
ROFL

JesusRulzMe said...

LauraLee, you crack me up!

I'm glad you're good at this one too! :-) You brought a big smile to my face!

Love you sister!
Sunny

The Surrendered Scribe said...

You spoke my heart---words are life and death to any relationship, most of all marriage.

Another amazing post my friend!

Gigi said...

Just found your blog today and am enjoying getting "caught up!" This post spoke to my heart...Last month, my precious husband was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer that has spread to his liver. None of us knows what path the Lord will have us walk. We choose to make this journey leaning (so heavily!) on Him and each other. Every single day we are blessed and find ways to glorify the Lord! And that's what it's all about!